Gold’s Top 10 topical Christmas Cracker jokes for 2023 revealed.

A festive joke about a Christmas cake being ‘stollen’ from the British Museum has been revealed as the winner of an annual competition to find the best new Christmas cracker gags.  

 Jokes about Barbie, Elon Musk and HS2 also feature in the list of festive funnies released today.

 The winning jokes have been revealed by nation’s favourite comedy channel Gold as part of its annual festive competition (now in its eleventh year) to find the very best modern Christmas cracker jokes. 

 Gold challenged the British public to post their original festive gags to X (formerly Twitter), which were then shortlisted by a panel of judges and put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults.  

 Gold’s top 10 funniest new Christmas cracker jokes for 2023 are revealed as: 

1. Did you hear about the Christmas cake on display in the British Museum? It was Stollen.  

1. Why is Elon Musk’s Christmas dinner so awkward? He can’t stop talking about his X. 

1. Why isn’t Barbie having turkey for Christmas dinner this year? Chic-Ken is enough.  

1. Why aren’t any schools allowed to put on a nativity this year? They couldn’t find a stable building.  

1. What impact will the 20mph speed limit in Wales have on the charts this year? Chris Rea will be driving home for Easter. 

1. What happened to Mark Zuckerberg’s novelty jumper when he had a cage fight with Elon Musk? He was left with nothing but Threads. 

1. What’s the difference between The Polar Express and HS2? One’s a fantasy about a train and the other’s a film with Tom Hanks. 

1. What did Robert Oppenheimer get Barbie for Christmas? Atomic Kenergy. 

1. Why are the train drivers on the naughty list this year? Because they’ve already had three strikes! 

1. How does Margot Robbie decorate her Nativity scene? With 3 wise Ken. 

 The annual joke competition celebrates Gold’s seasonal TV scheduling, which includes classic festive episodes of Britain’s most-loved comedies such as Dad’s Army, Only Fools and Horses, The Vicar of Dibley and Keeping Up Appearances. 

Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the Gold judging panel, says, “Despite the tumultuous times of the past year, the British public has once again found the silver, or in this case gold, lining in some cheerful jokes. This year’s modern Christmas cracker jokes, spanning from cultural hit Barbenheimer and the misadventures of Parisian bed bugs, to seemingly never-ending strikes and terrible train woes, prove that we are a nation with an unwaveringly inventive sense of humour.” 

Gerald Casey, Gold channel director, says, “This year has witnessed a wealth of comedic talent in our competition, perfectly combining festive funnies and cultural moments of 2023. We hope this year’s jokes can provide a hearty laugh alongside Gold’s Christmas programming, including much-loved classic episodes and our new star-packed scripted comedy Blood Actually, the latest addition to Gold’s hugely popular Murder, They Hope series.”  

The author of the winning joke, Chris Douch aged (37) from Oxfordshire, received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper, a box of bespoke Gold Christmas Crackers and a novelty turkey costume from Gold show ‘Blood Actually: A ‘Murder, They Hope’ Mystery’ as worn by Lee Mack.  

The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of Gold’s Christmas crackers, which will be presented to this year’s winners. 

All the jokes voted on by the British public are original content to the best of Gold’s knowledge. 

Gold marks the festive season with brand new UKTV original Blood Actually: a ‘Murder, They Hope’ mystery airing on the 16th December at 9pm. Fronted by Johnny Vegas and Sian Gibson, the special welcomes a whole host of special guests including Martin Kemp, Anita Dobson, Rose Ayling-Ellis, Lee Mack, Sherrie Hewson, Sarah Hadland to name a few. Catch up with the previous Murder, They Hope series on Sky and Virgin.