Office Jargon and Facebook Skivers Top Office Gripes.

LONDON, Tuesday 23rd February 2010: I.T Misery, “Facebook skivers” and pointless meetings are among a poll of top office gripes, according to new research.

The study of 2,000 office workers discloses a nation of frustrated and thwarted employees who know they may have to work until they are 69 before retirement.

Blocked printers, unproductive meetings and the increasing use of jargon were the leading causes for complaint, with poor technology also irritating staff.

Following closely behind were staff who are on Facebook instead of working and office gossips. Officer workers were also vexed by poor canteen food, meaningless perks such as dress down days, and motivational speakers brought in to raise morale.

People who label their food in office kitchen cupboards were cited as some of the most irritating, with 21% of respondents thinking they were “suspicious people” whose “un-sharing attitude is reflected their lack of team spirit”.

Pollsters claimed the figures pointed to an “all time” low in office morale with 47% of respondents saying they would leave work were it not for the recession.

Top ten office irritations:

1. Pointless Meetings – 47%

2. IT misery (‘jammed copiers’ , ‘blocked printers’ ,  ‘slow broadband’) – 45%

3. Office Jargon – 35% (see below)

4. Poor Hygiene – ‘smelly co-workers’ , ‘not cleaning up in the kitchen after personal use’ – 33%

5. Anti-social networkers  ’employees who spend too much time on Facebook and Twitter instead of working’ – 25%

6. Office gossips – 24%

7. Meaningless perks e.g. ‘dress down Frida’y, ‘tea trolleys on a Friday’, ’employee of the month’ – 23.5%

8. Canteen food – ‘canteen slop’ – 23%

9. Poor email etiquette – ’emoticons on emails’,’close proximity emailing’,’quotes from philosophers on signatures’ etc – 20%

10. Motivational speakers brought in to raise morale – 19%

The survey, to mark the launch of TV channel Dave’s Best Part Time Job in the World, also threw up a range of terms for increasingly common situations at work, such as the “Dracula shift” – going to work in the dark, coming home in the dark – and “A bog shaker” – having a private breakdown in the loo.

New Office Jargon

The Dracula Shift – Going to work and returning home, both in the dark.

Randy Pogo – Someone who jumps around the office trying to seduce colleagues.

Pope it – To take the moral high ground when losing an argument during a meeting.

A Mills & Doom – An office romance.

A Bog Shaker – Having a private breakdown in the toilets.

Cashanova – Someone who brings in clients, customers or business on charm alone.

The Kebab Manoeuvre – Packing up low-quality products, marketing them heavily and selling them at a high price.

A Chinese Holiday – Taking a five-minute break by pretending you need to go to the loo – then just sitting on the china-like toilet, head in hands.

Google Zoo – When the entire office staff are pretending to work while surfing the web.

Chainsaw Consultant – An outside expert brought in to chop down employee numbers.

Uninstalled – Sacked.

De-cruitment – Laying off workers.

Low-hanging fruit – An easy business target or person who can be manipulated.

I’m coming into this with an open kimono – I’m suggesting an idea while being open to criticism.

Credit munch – switching to a cheaper lunch as a result of the recession.

Expecting the moon on a stick – When clients have ridiculous expectations.

Mushroom principle – Managers keeping staff in the dark and feeding them cr*p.

CV stain – A job or company that looks so terrible you’d rather leave it off your CV.

Silver ceiling – The barrier to promotion faced by many older employees.

Boiling the frog – The art of managing change so smoothly that it goes unnoticed (based on the idea that a frog placed in a pot of cold water that is slowly heated will not perceive the danger).

Cubicle vultures – Workers who nick stationery from the desk of a fired colleague.

Uptitling – Changing an employee’s job title to something impressive, and often ridiculous-sounding, instead of giving an actual promotion.

Anti-social networkers – Employees who spend too much time on Facebook and not enough working.

Playing chicken with the ambulance – Intentionally looking for redundancy.

Deceptionist – A polite but ruthless receptionist whose job is to delay or block visitors.

Steve North, Channel Head, Dave says, “It’s fascinating to see how even the smallest of actions such as the labeling of food and use of office jargon can irritate people and cause frictions. All the more reason then for people to apply to Dave’s Best Part Time Job in the World – we guarantee there will be no flip charts, motivational speakers or pointless meetings!

Press Contact: Taylor Herring PR 0208 206 5151